Collective Ways

The entire first week of school came and went. After giving presentation after presentation about myself, the sets of questions that followed my hi-tech introduction were all the same:

“How old are you?”
“What’s your blood type?”
“Do you like Korean food?”
“Do you like Kimchi?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Class after class, regardless of what new information or new pictures I presented I would only be asked these five questions. I came to accept this as middle school curiosity, but when my colleagues began to ask me the same questions I was puzzled. Why did it matter how old I was, what blood type I am (an answer I still don’t know), or how much I liked Korean food? I kept these feelings to myself until curiosity got the better of me. On the last day of the week I asked my co-teacher/liaison what the significance of these questions were. I was told these questions establish what kind of relationship I would be able to have with the individuals who ask them.

When others ask me how old I am, they are asking how they should address me. The Korean language has special inflections and additions to words which display respect. Knowing each other’s age allows us to know how to properly and respectfully address each other. Apparently, asking someone’s blood type is like asking their zodiac sign; it is potential ground for bonding. Whether or not I like Korean food or Kimchi determines whether or not our relationship has potential to grow. Meals are group oriented here; sharing dishes and meal times is very special. People ask if I have a boyfriend, not because they are being nosy, but rather they want to know if I have a support system to keep me from getting homesick. If I didn’t I would be shuffled around from house to house for dinner so I wouldn’t have to eat alone.

Now that a few days have passed since learning this new information, I am starting to see, and learn, just how important relationships are in this country. Relationships are weighted so heavily here that the relationships you have with others decides what your boundaries are, both socially and legally. Coming from a Western country this shocked me. People openly admitted that they bend or break the rules for others depending on how good or how strong their relationship is with another individual. This is a concept that will take me a while to get used to, but I have to admit I find the collectivism here intriguing. Caring about another person is innate here, a natural instinct I wish more Westerners had.